I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Text me some of your sweat
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