Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
