You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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