Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
