Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
