I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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