Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
