You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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