and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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