Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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