I wish I could teleport
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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