And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
