look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
