who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
