As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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