i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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