What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
