My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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