Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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