oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She bit a glass in half.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
