You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
