Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
