a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
