Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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