Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I checked into jail on foursquare
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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