I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
