I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
