And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
