The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's the barista slut.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
