I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
