Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
