Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
