I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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