just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
