Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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