I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
