yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
