so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
