My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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