I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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