she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
