she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
