I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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