Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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