I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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