I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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