you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
