An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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