I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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