he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
