How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
